Wednesday, February 03, 2010

Back...From The Future!

Hi folks, ColScott here. I've been away for the past three years on a hunt for Bret, who after exposing the convicted Killer Clem Grogan as Adam Gabriel, a SanFran band man, has disappeared. While I was away I mingled with important people like President Biff and software trillionaire George McFly. And we saved the Clock Tower. But during my journeys I did keep up with the Apple Ipad 4.0 and read a lot of newspapers. Let me update you on the whole Bruce Davis Parole Thing.

January 2010- Two idiot parole board members vote to consider Davis for parole.

April 2010- The full parole board votes no, one year denial.

June 2010- Davis' high school attorneys file a write of habeas corpus against the State of California. The motion is granted. Davis looks to be free.

July 2010- Governor Arnold uses executive privilege to deny parole to this "haynass killer"

August 2010- Davis' lawyers petition the Supreme Court demanding freedom for their client.

September 2010- Shorty Shea's cousin, twice removed, appears at a court hearing with Debra Tate, asking that Davis be denied release, and asking if the court likes Debra's new haircut.

December 2010- Supreme Court of the State of California decides it is Christmas time and it will free Barabbas. I mean Davis. He is given 6 months processing time.

July 2011- Davis, his wife, his child and a disguised Nancy Pitman all meet in the hallway of the Federal courthouse, with Davis a free man...for 35 seconds. He is greeted by Federal Marshals who have a federal hold on him for crimes committed when he was a fugitive. Like something out of a Woody Allen film, he is also greeted by State Police, who have plowed through the case files and found skin scrapings saved that were under the fingers of Doreen Gaul, murdered Scientology student. Skin Scrapings that match Davis' DNA. He is also approached by agents from Scientology who want to collect $333,333 in past due (with interest) auditing charges for Davis.

August 2011- Davis begins serving what will be an eventual 12 months with good behavior on the Federal beef.

October 2011- Trial begins in the murder of Doreen Gaul. BUGliosi, on oxygen, petitions to be co-counsel stating "This case is my life- along with Latin Music".

December 2011- Bugliosi is removed from the case when he screams at defendant for allegedly breaking his new Rolex by staring at it, when he actually slammed it against the oxygen tank, cracking the glass.

December 2011- Bobby Beausoleil begins the parade of the old fucks, testifying that he needs better reading glasses. He is followed by Leslie Van Houten, who wonders what she has to do to get out, and Katie, who talks about dogs.

December 2011- Davis is found guilty after a record 4 minutes and sentenced to death.

Thankfully my flux capacitor returned with me, in usable condition. Life's good!


Pristash said...

Ok, so where is Bret? More importantly, where is Adam Gabriel?

dgreek said...

"Haynass killer" that's good! How are you doing Colonel. Long time no see.

jm30 said...

Missed ya, Col.

A.C. Fisher Aldag said...

Didja get a peek at the stock market and the SuperBowl winners, too?

La-de-la said...

the image of Bug smashing his watch against the oxygen tank hurt my neck from laughing so hard!!! Thanks.